An Alternative Axholme History - Part 2 - Plundering Penda
When the Saxons took over Britain they thought, 'We'll dub this place 'Angleland' which was cut down to England.
It was then that the Isle of Axholme became the biggest public convenience in the land. You see - all the various Kings squabbling and trying to grab more territory constantly headed their troops in and out of the Isle of Axholme and the place was just never given a bit of peace.
If it was not the Mercian monarch, Penda, plundering right, left and centre, it was the ever ready Ethelbert pinching the Wroot rhubarb or worse still, Ethelfrith eating all the grapes. The few brave Isleonians desperately trying to hang on to hearth and home got really cheesed off and looked forward to the day when the raiding parties would call it a day.
A few Axholme guerillas tried to put pressure on Penda to consider home rule. They kept stealing bits of his gear and throwing it into the Trent when the tides were rushing seawards.
It was said that a hermit living on Sunk Island had made a fortune selling Penda's suits of armour.
At last this pesky pillager got tired of wearing borrowed skirts and retired to his home base.
There he pondered on the idea of trying the marriage solution. He really fancied the damsel, Elfrida, the bonny daughter of King Edwin - the Northumbrian leader.
He had seen her swimming in the Idle and it was love at first sight. He tried to get this lass by proxy, but his crafty intermediary, Ornulff, stole Elfrida for himself.
He tried to put Penda off by telling him that Elfrida was ugly and only had one eye. But Penda was infuriated with his deceiving middleman and Ornulff absconded to Italy to escape his boss's anger.
Homesickness
He did well there and reached a high-ranking job. However, homesickness made him long for home so much that he persuaded the Pope to soften up Penda so it would be safe to return.
His plan failed for when he did meet Penda the vengeful Mercian finished him off. But then Penda was full of remorse as a great big rough and ready wench sporting one huge glaring eye, lurched in, but behind her was the most handsome youth.
The grief stricken monarch got the message. He cared for Ornulff's wife and gave his son the Isle of Axholme as a gift.
The lad set up his palace at 'The Cowshed on the Hill,' a posh name for Heapurde. His militia were a bit weak but did manage to enable the men of the Isle to brew their barleycorn wine unmolested.
The little Axholme King even had a seat on the Great Council who were now getting very agitated by the threats of William the Conqueror.
Nobody could stop the rampaging progress of this Gaullish ghoul, and he now had his eye on the Isle's quality rhubarb and celery.
Next week in Part 3 - No Match for the Normans.
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Weather for Epworth
Wednesday 08 February 2012
Today
Sunny spells
Temperature: -3 C to 1 C
Wind Speed: 10 mph
Wind direction: East
Tomorrow
Cloudy
Temperature: -1 C to 1 C
Wind Speed: 9 mph
Wind direction: South
